Straw Dogs=Digression

I went to see "Straw Dogs" last night, and while I have been wanting to see this show for several reasons, the two main reasons were because Alexander Skarsgard (Erick Northman from True Blood) is in it and it looked like a good show.

While I will admit, I have never looked up reviews or a full description on a movie... You can bet your sweet ass I will from now on!

I had no idea of what this WHOLE shows premise was about... This show is about a Country girl (Amy) who made it in Hollywood and returns home to the Country to fix up her fathers home that was effected by a tornado. She returns with her new husband and while in town they run into her old high school boyfriend (Charlie) who clearly isn't over her aka fucking delusional sociopath! As the movie goes on, her new husband (David) hires her old boyfriend and his crew (4 other rednecks) to fix the barn roof, he acts all sweet and respectful with that hint of "I have big plans for you" as a sour undertone!
Long story short, all of the boys from Charlie's crew trick the new husband into going hunting, while David is out hunting, Charlie goes back to the house to see Amy, at which time he rapes her. Now if this wasn't bad enough, she refuses to look at him when the "deed is done" which triggers a nerve in Charlie, which in turn allows him to allow the other 4 guys of his crew come in and rape her as well, while he watches.

Anyone who knows me, knows that on September  10, 2009 I was raped by my boyfriend in my home. Although my rape was not as violent (like the scene in this movie), it felt the same! No control, powerless, shocked, scared, confused, violated, angry and vulnerable to name a few feelings!  Needless to say, I could not watch the scene and hearing it was just as tough. What I did see took me back to my rape, and while I thought I had it safely tucked back and filed away in my head... Not so much! As the show continues, Amy and David go to the local high school football game where every time a player is hit in the game, she has a flashback of the rapes, which again, I cannot watch and also takes me back to my rape.

While this show was stupid and very slow before the rape scene, it only got worse! I cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone would put shit like that in a movie? I would really like to know why a writer of a movie cannot write without this type of shit in it? It all seems rather pointless to me? Not only is it sick, in my opinion it plants "seeds" in peoples minds!
True, if one has this type of behavior in them they will do it with or without encouragement, but I do believe that there are people out there who watch movies which "trigger" a thought or an "it's a cool thing" attitude.

Same can be argued for scenes of  murder, violence or whatever and though I know that it's "just a movie" or "entertainment", in my opinion, a rape scene can go without being in a movie, and if one feels it necessary to put it in said movie, don't show the damn thing! Just the "implication" it's going to happen or did happen is enough to get your mind in the plot of the show, they call it an imagination for a reason!

Yes this struck a nerve with me because I lived it with a sociopath of my own, but even if I had never had an experience like that, I still would not agree for shit like this to be in a movie, book or on TV, outside of the fact that it is morally wrong, it still demoralizes women and I still believe that it plants seeds in the minds of people where it originally wasn't there.

I am now left with the scenes of my rape playing over and over in my head, when I went through months and months of therapy to put it behind me! Thanks for the digression, Straw Dogs!

Change...

With the new Facebook “Update”, it got me to thinking… It’s no wonder we as a society are against “Change” and are all walking around scratching our asses trying to figure out WTF just happened?!

When a change is implemented and little to no information is given on said change, we are left to “figure it out” aka “Bitch about it and make it up as we go along”, at which time is when things start to go very, very wrong!

When a change has been made at/to your job, life, contracts, laws, etc… It’s always good to enlighten one that a change has been or will be made, what that change entails, how it will affect you (if at all) and how to follow new change?  

When little to no information is given on a change, and we are left to “figure it out”, THIS is where all of the problems begin!

Now I am sure (positive) this dates back years and years, yet still, no one has caught on, that if you simply “educate” us, we will for the most part “learn” and carry on. Yes, some of us will still bitch about the change and continue to be ignorant about it, as if learning this new change some how does not include or apply to them, hence turning things into chaos! I.e. Driving!

While I am not a big fan of change, I will conform for the most part, simply because it will eventually benefit me to learn/know it, but I also don’t want to be that ass-hat that everyone is talking about when they bitch about the “moron on/at the freeway/work/life”! I would much rather take the extra time to learn it than to be a complete dumbass and remain ignorant! However, as with most changes it’s almost as tedious and monotonous as reading the “fine print” on a contract?!

If the people making the changes would take a step outside the box and realize that a very large chunk of the population are not as “Tech-savvy, intelligent or book smart” as they are, and simplify the process, things might take a turn for the better? Now, I am not delusional and think this is a “perfect world”, because quite frankly, it’s far from it! There are just too many “uneducated, non-book smart or non-street smart” (whatever you want to call it), people out there to impact them all, but there has to be a starting point?   

So I suggest this… Rather than sending those stupid mailers, send change notifications or emails, updates on pages, SOMETHING!? Letting us know that “changes, they are a comin’”!

 Communication is KEY, and while I don’t have all the answers, what I do know is this… Word of mouth goes a long, long way, but education goes MUCH further! True, one has to give a shit about said change, but for those of us who do care, can you take the fucking time to communicate your stellar ideas/changes so were not ALL fucking morons walking around in a state of stupor? Please?

Thanks!

Hypocrisy at it's finest!

Okay- I can’t fucking stand it any more!!!! I am 40 years old, have lived in this “god forsaken” state of Utah, all of my life and I am all but over the Moron (Mormon) mentality/way of life that people have here and this “religion” (Cult)!

I was FORCED to go to church as a child because my dad re-married this hypocritical Nazi, who fully believed “Do as I say, not as I do”!

 It goes a little like this… Me, my brother and sister, (albeit they were forced to do it more than I, because I was shipped back and fourth from Vernal to Salt Lake when the step-monster couldn’t “handle” me anymore) were made to go to church every Sunday, sit and listen to 3 hours of pure bullshit about what some ass-hat name “Joseph Smith” said was “right-ious” about ”said God” and “Religion”!

Basically, having this shit “programmed” into my brain and essentially trying to turn me into a fucking drone like the rest of the Gunny Sack wearing- Braid hanging-24 plus kids and 19 wives, community was!

Essentially where fucking/marrying your “Brother/Sister/Son/Daughter” was “okay” and NOT frowned upon, but rather condoned and encouraged!!? WTF? Where is the “Morality” in all of this, let alone the law aspect of it?! Oh that’s right… Just go buy a big chunk of land call it “private property” and build your own community! Nuff said!

 I loathed every minute of it! From the Sunday school, to the hour long “holier than thou” Sacrament, from various “Bishops” and all around clowns, less the face-paint (who I might add, were stooping half the boy scouts!)!  Talking about the “holy ghost” and the “Celestial Kingdom”?! Keep in mind that the Nazi DID NOT GO TO CHURCH WITH US?!!!! Oh no! We were told to go because “Our Lord and Savior would want us to do this for him, because we are all God’s children”!? Ewww!

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying don’t believe whatever you want to believe in; just don’t try to force it down my throat! I still to this day do not believe in “A God”, but rather “My God/Goddess”, that’s not to say that they are different or the same for that matter, just that I don’t believe in a “Religious” higher being. See the difference?

Anyway, back to the “issue”… It seems to me, that in ANY religion that the “if it appeases me today” is the real religion that is practiced, not what is being spit from a book or cold hard facts for that matter!

The Bible has been written and re-written so many times, how do I know that someone didn’t like their version better and went with that? I don’t, so I believe in what I know about faith, which isn’t much!

But I also know that I do not claim to live this “Religious lifestyle” yet do all of the shit it says not to do and then turn around and ask for “something” from this religions “God”!? It grates my last fucking nerve to watch “Dedicated Moron’s, Christians, Catholics” whatever, talk the talk but not walk the walk!

Enough of this half-assed shit! Don’t NOT go to church and live the religion and then go to the congregation of your church and ask them to help pay your rent! Don’t pray to the same “God” that you have been all too busy to acknowledge up until YOU needed something from him/her!

 Just because one prays doesn’t mean you get a free pass to “Heaven”!? Live it, breathe it, KNOW IT! Stop with the “This is such a great time, out getting shit-faced with your friends, smoking pot, poppin’ pills, promiscuity” whatever, and start living the religion/god you claim to know and love! In short, (or not so short in this case) STOP BEING A HYPOCRITE!

Whew! I feel better! Hee-Hee!

As an FYI for those who don’t know…

Moron’s live by the code of “do as I say, not as I do” and moreover, the “When it suits me, I will live and abide by the “rules/laws” of this religion” aka… Hypocrisy at it’s finest!! I honestly believe that the Moron’s believe that that 10% “Tithing” cleanses them of all sins?! Really?! Moron’s believe in no caffeine, yet own stock in Coke a cola, they believe in no gambling, Yet own 51% of Wendover, Nevada Casinos and hotels (little podunk town 2.5 hours West of Salt Lake where 1 step out of the Utah state line puts you right into Nevada. Half the town is Utah and the other half is Nevada).

Sunday is the “Sabbath” where you are NOT to watch TV listen to the radio, blah, blah, blah, this time is to be spent WITH the family “being a family”?

Then you have Monday’s… “Family Home Evening”. I am still not sure what the hell this is all about because it’s not something that we as a “family” ever did, but I quote… “Family home evening is a special time set aside each week that brings family members together and strengthens their love for each other, helps them draw closer to Heavenly Father, and encourages them to live righteously.”

Seriously?! Cut the fucking crap! I can love my family from a distance I don’t need nor do I want a “special day” to do this?! Isn’t this something that should be practiced all year long? Kinda like the whole Valentine’s Day concept? Just sayin’…

The Mormon Religion is a CULT NOT A RELIGION!!!! This is MY opinion.

Mommy Dearest!!

This seems to happen every time I go to the damn store! No matter the store, it’s always there?!

WTF is it with these “mothers” that scream, yell, belittle, spank or smack their toddlers/children when they cry, scream or throw fits? I mean really people, if you didn’t want the responsibility of parenting then you shouldn’t have had said child!

Here’s my issue with this. I am NOT a believer of spanking (in any form of putting your hands on said child) or belittling a child/toddler, albeit I will admit I have yelled at my teen/adolescent children, but NEVER in public A, and B, never because they wanted a toy or treat from the store?! I have always disciplined my children with time out and removal of privileges, not hitting, spanking or belittling? They are people too, just little ones, but in my opinion, they still have a voice and an opinion, after all, they are our future! (Shit!)

I mean these women are just brutal to these children! It’s like “hello, ass-hat! That child you are belittling right now, is going to grow up, and when he/she does, if they don’t kick your ass or kill you first, they WILL make your life a living hell and not to mention OURS! What you are doing to that child is going to have LONG TERM effects on him/her! The self-esteem issues alone are huge!”!

So please explain to me why, anyone finds it necessary to look a hysterically crying (not to mention, completely defenseless) child in their face and yell at them and say things like (heard this yesterday), “No! You can’t have that, you shut up! All you do is whine, whine, and whine! Oh what, you’re going to cry now?! Keep it up and I’ll give you something to cry about, you big baby, you stop that now or I am going to take you out to the car and spank your ass”!

Ok, so anyone who knows me, knows I can’t and DON’T keep my mouth shut! I say, “Pick on someone your own size; if you didn’t want to be a mother then you shouldn’t have had kids! Stupid bitch, how would you like it if someone spoke to you the way you are talking to her?! Oh wait, I just did! Don’t like it very much do you!” Naturally, “Bad-ass mom” says nothing and puts her head down, all the while, crying little girl (who simply wanted a ring pop) stopped crying, and was doing the hiccup-can’t-breath thing. So I say “that’s what I thought” So I continue on my way.

Here is why this bugs me so much. I as a toddler/child/adolescent and pre-teen was “spanked” ( I call it beat, because it was with wire hangers, wooden spoons, spatulas, belts, belt buckles, switches, hands or whatever was handy! To get back-handed was not an uncommon thing either. I seriously has “Mommy Dearest, Joan Crofford” for a step mother!), I didn’t grow up to carry this “tradition” on with my children.

So when parents say or their excuse is “this is how I was raised and I turned out ok or I survived”, well, yes, you did survive (how I am not quite sure), but you’re still a douche bag who is taking your lack of patience, parenting skills and caring out on a 4 year old who can’t jump back up in your face and bitch slap you, and in another 4 years you’re going to be scratching your ass wondering why your child is so out of control and being a menace at school and getting in fights, then you’re going to blame someone else and stick the kid on Ritalin and say he/she has ADHD and/or “Anger issues”?! Well no shit?! Ya think? I would too!

God forbid, YOU should own that YOUR child is completely fucked-up, because of YOU!!!! These kids who have to go through this shit, 90% don’t have a fighting chance and will end up a social misfit/outcast or be all fucked up and somehow, that child will become the responsibility of the general public rather than where it should be… With the fucked-up parents!

My theory… If you wouldn’t want someone to treat you the way you treat your children, then maybe you should step outside of your little “box” and take a good long look at WTF you are doing, because I guarantee that if your boss, wife, husband, friend, or random nobody came up to you and started talking/acting like said bitch above, you would tell them to suck it and defend yourself, whereas children don’t have that luxury! Get it together population stupid, because I don’t want to have to deal with your monumental fuck-ups when I need my ass wiped!  

"It's On The Table"

Ever had one of those days where you just don’t want to get out of bed, be it because you’re too tired, lazy cold, comfortable or just plain don’t want too?

Well… Today was that day for me! Outside of the fact that I was freezing my ass off, I was having the most interesting and BIZZAR dream about one of my best friends, Mitchel P. Now keep in mind that I know of, I don’t dream often, because I don’t sleep! So when I actually do sleep I cherish it and to have the added bonus of dreaming and wanting to stay in it and remember it… Well sign me up coach!

All I know is that god awful noise from my alarm clock starts going off at 4:40 AM and that is where I realize I’m freezing and I am having this off-the-wall dream about my BFF!! I hit “snooze” (first mistake, should have just shut it off) and try to get back to this dream. Rather than put this little tidbit in there every so often, just know that my alarm keeps going off every 15 minutes and the dream gets interrupted as I search for the snooze button, so I can pick up where I leave off in this dream.

I remember Mitchel had this giant tattoo that went from his right ribcage all around his back onto his left side up around to his shoulder and onto his face?! Now anyone who knows my Mitchel, knows he owns no ink! He is not opposed to it; it’s just not something for him, so having seen this naturally blew my mind!

This dream was no different than in real life in a couple of aspects, one of which was, he was”shit-canned”. Lol

 I remember all of my family being at his house? Which in and of itself would never happen simply because anyone over the age of 50 would have a heart attack if they ever saw or heard any of what goes on at his house! Seriously, this man should charge admission to his parties!  

His parents were there and I remember my dad saying that he and Phil were brothers in a past life?! LMAO! For those of you who don’t know, Mitchel’s dad is Phil Johnson who up until recently was the assistant coach for the Utah Jazz, so to hear my dad say that to his dad and mean it whole heartedly , was just comical!

Nonetheless, mine and Mitchel’s dad’s are conversing and out of the blue… Mitchel asks my dad for my hand in marriage?! WTF!!!! This is so far out of the realm of normal it’s not even funny! Mitchel is a man whore who will NEVER settle down, EVER!!!!  Mitch and I have never even slept together, let alone “dated”, so for him to ask this in my dream was just weird! For whatever reason, he asked and my dad was all too happy to say “yes”!? lol Phil pats Mitch on the back and says “I’ve raised you well, son” “Welcome to the family, I’ve always wanted a daughter”. Lol so random! (In the “dream world” I Don’t know what any of that means?!)

Anyway, the tattoo- It was flowers!!!! Orchids and Lilies to be exact, there again, if one knows Mitch you know that he loves Orchids and raises them, thus having yet another thing in common. Orchids and Lilies are my favorite flowers and I have several tattoos of them on me, more specific, on my side/ribcage and neck?!

Anyway, things start to become fuzzy from here on out… Mitch tells me he is going to bed (yet another thing that NEVER happens! It was still dark outside!) He asks me if I will walk him upstairs, I say sure (which again is odd, his room is downstairs?), there were people upstairs passed out (not uncommon) and from what I could make out, a few shooting up? We slowly make our way up some back stairs and he begins to tell me how shiny his hair is? I agree give it a tug and keep walking. We get to the kitchen and he stops and says he needs a “Pacifico”? I say, “Ummm… No, you don’t”, and I try to pull him out of the kitchen, where he over powers me picks me up and gently places me on the kitchen table and says “it’s on the table” and plants one on me. I am not about to go into what that means, but I will say this… How fucking ironic!!!

At which time my alarm goes off again and I notice I should have been to work 10 minutes ago!  That is all that I remember of this dream. L I know that dreams mean certain things, but I honestly have no clue what any of it means other than the “on the table” comment! The rest is beyond me!?

Any thoughts people?

I need a dream analyst cuz this shit is gonna drive me crazy! Maybe this is why I don’t dream or remember them for that matter?! I swear, if I have Déjà vu I am going to shit a brick!

Mitchel P… I LOVE YOU TO DEATH! You are still the one and only man I trust with all that I am and have!

Laws of WTF is that about?!

Goes a little like this... I get off work, head to the freeway (construction EVERYWHERE, save that for a later topic), Get on the freeway and have a semi in front of me... Lane eventually merges onto the freeway, I'm betting this guy is going to get onto the freeway, rather than taking the exit to the lane we are in, so I stay behind him... He takes the exit, naturally. So I keep going on the first of two freeways to get home. There is a Gold Avalon in front of me going 45 mph hitting her breaks every 3-5 seconds (no one in front of her) I have to merge to get in the lane to get me to the next freeway, I have to continue to follow the same dumb ass who is break-tapping and doing 12 mph around the turn to get on the next freeway, when it clearly states 40 mph turn ahead!
So I finally get to the next freeway and the dumb ass gets into the lane to my left (I'm still in the slow lane because I have to exit soon), but wtf is now in front of me? Another moron who wants to get into the middle lane and has signaled 3 times with ample time to do so, yet hasn't? All the while going 55(Won't bitch about the speed, at least he is in the slow lane)!

I continue to stay behind him, the road is torn up due to more construction so you have to REALLY pay attention to how the new exit works, which he was not! I get into the lane that allows me to turn left off the exit and he is still in the right lane which allows you to ONLY turn right! I see it coming a mile away, "Douche is going to cut me off"! Sure as shit, he does! I shake my head and lol. He proceeds to move over to the lane to my left which also allows you to turn left, cutting off another person and flips them off when the other driver honks at him? Really?!Wow!

I look in front of me and guess who is there? Break-tapping ass-hat! I'm thinking, "this has to be some old guy, so I just deal". I roll up to the light where the gold break-tapper has now moved to the center lane to my left and I look over and it's a chick in her mid 30's!
Well naturally, I am going to show her! Light turns green I punch it in the stang and get in front of her and break! I keep breaking until she gets so pissed off she changes lanes (no signal), so naturally, I do too... Still breaking! LMAO I can see her in the rear view throwing her arms up and cussing me like no tomorrow!
I don't want to particularly want to take the long(er) way home so give one more pay-back and make my turn with no signal! She honks and told me I was "#1"!!! lol Yay, score one for me, although I doubt the dumb bitch got it?!
I take the back way home as to avoid the light on Redwood, so I get to my turn to put me on my path home and low and behold there she is again! So oblivious that I am right next to her, I just have to laugh!
I have to slow to a crawl and as she passes me I see the break-tapping is still a must for her as there was no clear reason to be breaking! It's people like this that make freeway dead-lock an issue!
It's pretty bad when I have learned to use the slow lane to get where I'm going should I find the need to speed! I swear to goddess,  most driver are dyslexic, along with rude and S T U P I D!
I hope this new law in Utah passes... And SOON!
Happy Driving!

Velociraptor Co-Worker!!

Let me set this for you... Here at work, in the front area is about 60'x60', housing 1 large conference room, 8 cubicles & 2 rooms. One room houses supplies and the other, printers & the main hub. The receptionist’s desk is about 12’ from the 1^st set of cubicles. There are 2 people in this area... One is a customer service rep (the girl this is about) and the receptionist.
Then there is a very long hallway, that holds 5 offices ( 2 on 1 side and 3 on the other, I am on the side with 3 in the middle, so I have no one on either side of me, which I happen to like!), one houses another CSR (clearly higher up than the halfwit!), one houses my boss and one houses me, I am closest to the end of the hall, so I really don't hear much of anything that goes on in the front (unless they are yelling), or in the company where gossip or bitching is concerned, I loathe the shit so I stay the fuck out of it, hence the headphones!
Yes- they could be talking about me, but really, do I give a shit? Nope, not a bit! When they grow balls and say it to me, then we’ll talk, until then it’s all just petty bitch drama!

Anyway-

This Cubical CSR chick I work with, who is all of 22 years old, and I must say, the list of oddities that this child has, is comical at best.
However, they WERE all issues that I could ignore for the most part because she was FAR away from me and I could just sit in my office with my headphones in and ignore the bitch!

Well... That "comfort blanket" just got ripped from my soft, well manicured hands! They put the crazy psycho in the office right next to me!
The reason for this move you ask...? Not because she was promoted, not because she "deserves" to be in this space, not because she was so stellar at her job she earned it, or even that she sucked dick to get it! Oh no?!

It was to break up the monotonous psychobabble that was exchanged between her and the equally irritating receptionist, on a daily basis!

There were so many hours wasted between these two on pure bullshit! About things like, (95% of which was on the part of "Old Blue”. What I call the one who just moved next to me, you'll soon see why) Diaphragms (insertion and removal), Blue dildos (Old Blue) that stick to the wall, “which make fucking all the more convenient”! Shitty husbands (who I might add, is so gay I'm sure he's found the blue dildo and refuses to tell her, but is VERY Mormon so "can't" come out just yet"), 1st thing in the morning she YELLS "Hello", or as you’re walking out the door to go home it’s "Goodbye forever", it’s the way she says it... Like a toothless country-bumpkin who sat on Uncle Joe's lap way too often!
It was to the point that if I ever called her by her real name people would look at me like “who the fuck are you talking about?” So, the only way my kids, friends and family would know who I was talking about was for me to say "Hello!" the way she says it, then they would say, “Oh the Velociraptor!”, Yep, that’s her! Lol

She is a beautiful girl with some pretty low self-esteem, but one would never guess from the fact that she wears these outfits that show the garments, bra and T-back, (which I thought was a no-no in being a Moron?? Moron = Mormon but I guess she is like all the other Morons, and lives up to which part of the religion appeases her) or will walk right up to you, lift up her shirt and say “does it look like I have lost weight?” (She is thin!), brings her blue dildo in my office, slaps it onto MY wall and proceed to give me a live show (with clothes on) of how she is “going to go home and fuck this thing so good!”?????!!!! OMG!!!!

She does this thing… I don’t even get it to be honest… But every picture she has ever been in with me, or I have taken of her, or every time she pops into my office she does this Velociraptor impression that creep’s me the fuck out! She seriously looks like a fucking Velociraptor! The hands, the body, face the NOISE… ALL OF IT! So now, I have a crazy Velociraptor in the office next to me and now I feel like prey and I am waiting for her to chew through the wall and devour me, all while saying “Goodbye Forever”! FML!